There was a time one of my children went through a time of uncharacteristic disobedience. Premeditated, thought-out, intentional defiance.

I first tried removing blessings from him as a consequence, but it was as though he would calculate the cost and decide it was worth it to disobey.

I knew I was missing his heart.

I questioned: In the times my flesh wants to do something opposite of the will of God, what is it that makes me chose obedience?

Although there are times a fear of a consequence helps me avoid a sinful choice, it’s not usually a fear of punishment that keeps me obedient.

The thing that most helps me make wise choices is knowing WHO I am and WHOSE I am.

I know my identity as a child of God, and I wouldn’t want to live in a way that is opposed to that.

It is knowing God’s love for me that makes me want to chose paths of life. I know He loves me, and I know His ways are best for me.

So I took that and applied it to my son. More often than not, it’s not going to be the fear of punishment that will keep him on the path of obedience. It may be sufficient at times, but fear will not always be stronger than the desires of the flesh.

It will be his identity as a child of God and as a member of our family.

Knowing WHO he is and WHOSE he is will prevent him from acting in ways that are opposed to that identity, especially when that identity is firmly planted in love.

So I started something new with him. I ask him, “Who are you?” He will say, “A child of God!” And I ask, “What family do you belong to?” And he will proudly say, “The Corcoran family!”

I want his identity to be firmly fixed on the unshifting foundation of a loving God and a loving family. His assurance of God’s love for him and his family’s love for him will be the foundation from which he makes choices.

And I feel this is how God leads me as well – through love.