As I write this, I am expecting our 5th child. I have learned something from each one of my natural births, and I wanted to share in case it can be helpful to anyone preparing for your natural birth.

The first couple of births I experienced “from the outside.” What I mean by this is the intensity of my sensations were made visible to those around me. I felt I had to show my midwives how I was feeling so they could judge the stage of my labor. I also felt I had to show my husband how I was feeling so he could best support me. Nothing extreme – just my face showed pain, I made sounds of intensity. Normal stuff.

However, what I discovered with my fourth birth is (at least for me) the secret to a birth that I can best describe as worshipful, peaceful, and beautiful is when I experienced the birth “from the inside.”

I didn’t make one sound or facial expression that showed discomfort throughout the entire 10-hour birth except for the last few minutes. It’s not that I felt I couldn’t show these signs of labor, I just went deep inside myself instead. My focus wasn’t on sharing what I was feeling with those around me.

I listened to worship music (in earphones which I feel is important to make it even more intimate). I praised God. I focused on how thankful I was for this moment and for this experience.

And here’s something I did that was extremely helpful – I focused on the sensations of labor as though they were a large marble in my hand. A marble I would roll around and examine, study, try to learn every detail of: the weight, shape, design, colors, feel. So with each contraction, I studied it. Almost held it, explored it, leaned into it, and grasped for it as it faded away (instead of tensing up wishing it would end.) When I did this, the waves of birth became familiar and predictable – not scary. I learned how it felt as a contraction began, how it climbed in intensity, and then the feeling as it started to fade.

It helped that it didn’t feel like something happening to me, but it rather like something I was allowed to be a part of. The opening of my body to bring life.

To experience labor like this, going deep within, is a very intimate thing. Intimacy with yourself and intimacy with God. My husband was a huge support and I definitely felt his presence, but I still felt like ultimately it was something I was to walk through alone. It was an experience that I would most imagine the process of death to be like, a passing from this life into the arms of God.  Even though you may be surrounded by loved ones, it’s a connection to God that is truly just for you and Him. No one can go with you.

Similarly, with birth and death: There’s quiet. There’s acceptance. There’s anticipation. There’s peace. And there’s confidence. There’s awareness you didn’t have before about life. It’s a spiritual thing when you allow your body to get out of the way. You are changed.

So, that’s what I loved about my 4th birth and what I look forward to with this next birth and any more I am blessed to experience. This is a wonderful season of life, being able to witness the first moments of your child’s life, meeting them for the first time. It’s like touching heaven for just a moment.