What is the purpose of marriage?

Disney cartoons from childhood taught us it was for our romance, fulfillment, completion, and happiness.

In other words: Self.

But this is a lie.

Marriage was not meant for the elevation of self, just like life and religion was not meant for self.

We place “the self” in the center of everything, including marriage. The interest of self, the protection of self, and the magnification of self.

Marriage becomes a dream to elevate “the self” with someone else.

Could it be that our #1 marital problem is self? We think too much of ourselves and we expect our spouse to do the same.

What if the purpose of our marriage isn’t even solely about our marriage?

What if the point of our earthly marriage is to prepare us for our ultimate, eternal marriage – the union of The Church with the Bridegroom. And what we need to be prepared for that great Marriage is the death of self, in all of its ugly forms.

With this focus shift, we can remove the fleshly bent to elevate self, and instead choose to die to self. And this death to self is the purification needed for our eternal marriage.

Would we have agreed to the covenant of marriage if we had known it would be used as a tool in our loving Father’s hands for the death of self? The laying down of our needs. The esteeming of another’s interests above our own. A deferring to another in patient, kind, and forgiving love.

Marriage is a beautiful gift by a good God. But it was not meant to fulfill our deepest needs. God is the answer to our deep longings.

Marriage is not broken if it falls short of the romance in Disney cartoons. God loves you too much for that version of marriage.