The wicked in his proud countena

nce does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts. Psalms 10:4

I remember this time in my life, when God was in none of my thoughts.

I made decisions, with no thought of God.

I sinned freely, with no thought of God.

My day-to-day life, my coming and my going, my lying and my rising, none of it involved thoughts of Him.

I was turned towards self and the world, filled with the cares of life, lusts of the flesh, and the pride of life. My will was bent to self and pleasure.

But I can remember my spirit awakening. Feeling an awareness. A drawing. A small voice.

Suddenly my former ways left me feeling unsettled. Convicted. A sting in my conscience.

I was made to feel the space between myself and my Creator. An awareness that I was made for something different. A calling to rise, turn, and come.

He was calling my name, seeking me out, and drawing me in.

One Wednesday night I walked into a church service for a college group. In a large sanctuary, with only the first several rows filled, I sat in the very back.

Having nothing to do with the sermon, but everything to do with His Presence, something inside of me responded, turned, bowed, surrendered, and received.

Where there was once death, darkness, and a hardness of heart, suddenly God brought life, light, and a tenderness. He made a road in the wilderness and a river in the desert. My parched ground became a pool and my thirsty land springs of water.

He unstopped my deaf ears to hear His voice. He opened my eyes to see the vast space between myself and His holiness, and I turned. He gathered me to Himself, washed me, cleansed me, and nourished me.

I radically changed over night – my clothing, my entertainment, my friends, my language. My thoughts were suddenly flooded with the Almighty. He lit my path, took me under His wing, and gave me a hunger for His Word. He gave me a new birth, a new name, and a new identity. I began my walk with Him, grew in my ability to hear His voice and be led by Him. 

I wish it weren’t so, but there have been times since that new birth that I willfully turned away, chose my own way, believed a lie, and stopped my ears to His voice.

But in His longsuffering, He remained. I’m moved to tears when I remember the ways He would draw me back to Himself, pick me back up, cleanse me once again, and nourish me, His daughter.

It’s been a journey of sanctification. Of straightening my crooked path, smoothing by rough way, exalting my valleys, and bringing low my mountains.

He has calmed the choppy waters that I had long attempted to escape or numb. He gave peace where there was none. He has brought, and is continuing to bring, divine order as He draws me into alignment with Himself.

I praise the Lord I was not left to myself. That He drew me out of the muck and mire, higher than I would have chosen for myself, and set my feet on solid ground.

Based alone on His mercy, grace, goodness, and love, I am His workmanship, clay in My Potter’s hands, an emptied vessel filled with Him.

And I pray that my thoughts remain flooded with Him, as well as my words with His praises and my life with His glory.